When Small Business(es) Meet High Stress

I had promised to share the real ups and downs behind owning a small business, and what's more real than a post at 7:30pm on a Saturday night?

The past few weeks have been overwhelming - in both good and bad ways. It's been about three weeks since I started Designers Care, which is a shop filled with gorgeous note cards that are hand stamped using designs donated but lots of talented designers. We've had over 100 sales and raised close to $900 to donate to Hurricane Sandy victims - I'd say the shop is absolutely a success.

But for whatever reason, I just don't feel very successful. I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and beat down. October through December is my absolute busiest season - between holiday cards for Believe Notes, papers and finals for graduate school, busy season at my full time job, and then of course the chaos of the holidays in general - I feel like I'm starting to shut down.

One day, last week, I went to work without my glasses or my watch and I only had eyeliner on one eye. 

I'm finding that in my stress I seem to be focusing too hard on the negatives: orders are backed up (I must not be efficient enough!), I don't have enough time in the day (so I should get up super early and stay awake super late, right?!), I've made a few mistakes & one of my entire product lines failed (this was the hardest on me, by far). And even though, deep down, I know I'm not failing, I really, really, really feel like I am.

I also know that the more stressed I am, the more stress I put on my husband, and that of course leads to stupid bickering and hurt feelings. He may not be as busy as me in terms of working + school + 2 businesses, but he's NYPD and he certainly has't had a stress-free experience dealing with the hurricane aftermath. Long hours & overtime combined with seeing the underbelly of a city in crisis has definitely lead to an exhausted husband. He and I handle stress in completely different ways - he likes to sit back and do nothing but watch TV in order to escape, while I like to bury myself in even more work to take my mind off of things. But then, of course, we argue about the stress itself because I constantly push us both to do more, more, more, and he is trying to do less, less, less. At this point I think we can agree that we'd both like to just ditch the jobs, and school, and businesses and just try to catch up and cope with all the madness. And thank goodness this is temporary - things always calm down a little in January.

So yes, I feel like I'm failing sometimes - at being a good friend or wife, at cooking healthy dinners, at being present for the people around me. I can beat myself up all I want for missing a deadline or making a mistake, but then I get an email like this and it all seems to melt away:

Jackie,

I know you've been totally swamped! If I can help with anything, let me know. 

By the way, you really inspire me!

--Ann

 

When I'm up at 4:30am working on a design, bleary eyed and exhausted, I can't imagine being any form of inspiration for anything (other than maybe Dunkin Donuts). But I wake up almost every morning to amazing emails from amazing people and I remember that I am not in this alone, and I am not doing this for myself. 

And even in writing the blog post, I may be feeling uneasy about it in the morning, but I wanted to share some of what really happens during high stress - you may be seeing beautifully styled photos, and RTs from fabulous people, but that isn't the whole reality. The whole reality is me at 7:30am in my office building noticing that I have eyeliner on one eye.

Coming to Terms: I'm Not Everybody Else

Lately I've been feeling really conflicted about my expectations vs my abilities. Until now I seem to have been able to keep afloat, but barely. I think I am starting to realize that I cannot keep comparing myself to everybody else and what they do or how they live their lives. I need to focus on me, and what I can do and how I life my life.

So let's stop beating around the bush - up until this point I have been able to swing working full time, maintaining a home, running a small business and going to school two nights a week after work. I don't care if other people can go to school six nights a week - this girl can't.

I don't know how some people manage to juggle ten thousand things at once, it's truly a talent, and I don't have it. Maybe other people are like human-versions of honey badgers; capable and ready for anything. However, I might be a little more like a stiffy goat. Right now I feel like I'm in survival mode, which means I'm really not paying attention or learning during classes, I'm just attending and going through the motions because I have to. I don't want to be in survival mode anymore. So, next year I am changing my schedule around - just one class per semester for me. I might take one or two over the summer sessions as well, but at the end of the day I need to start focusing on what works for me; not what everybody else is doing.

I'm looking forward to having a more balanced amount of time next year to focus on all the aspects of my life. I'm especially looking forward to having the time to let my business continue to grow! I don't care if it takes me ten years to get my masters, one day it'll be done and I'll be proud, proud, proud!

Buh-bye Budget

I've been number crunching all night for the upcoming wedding, and I have a feeling I might have some kissing to do - as in, kissing my budget goodbye. I certainly hope it doesn't come to that, but DAYUM, having a wedding in New York is a total wallet buster, and I've done all the "money saving" tips you read about in magazines!! When I was talking with a friend, I let my budget number slip, and she gasped, stating how LOW it was for NY standards. Hmmmphhh, as a new home-owner anything more than ZERO is a wallet strain.

Here are some things I have done to try and keep my budget on the low:

• I booked my photographer early. And by early I mean, three years ago. It was great because I locked in awesome prices for the most important aspect of my wedding. Right now this moment, when it comes to the wedding, I am most excited about working with the photographer we booked. They are a husband-wife team, charming people, and so extremely talented. You can see their work here.
• Next, I'm making all of my paper products myself, duh. 
• Third, get this, I actually disclosed to my vendors what my budget is, and they were willing to work with me. In the last post I was toying with the idea to do my own flowers, but at the end of the day, that's what professionals are for. I told my florist what I wanted to spend, and she was amazingly gracious to work with me. We negotiated for me to deliver the flowers myself, as getting to my venue is going to be murder in the morning before the wedding (you try driving to Jones Beach during the Blue Angel Air Show). By picking up the flowers myself, the day before the wedding, I am saving nearly 20%.  *ugh* lifesaver! 
• I didn't let myself try on gowns over my budget. No way, no how. And guess what - I found the most amazing dress in the world and it was UNDER my budget! 
• Back to flowers - I am using tons and tons of candles as my main decor. The beautiful floral arraignments are going to be an accent to the romantic candlelight. 
• I borrowed. My fiance's cousin (who is also one of my bridesmaids) got married this past year. She is lovingly allowing me to borrow most of the decor she purchased for her own wedding. Thanks Em! 
• Photo-booths are the new "it" thing. So of course I want one. So why not use my own D-SLR camera and tripod, along with some awesome fabric from my mother-in-law's company as a backdrop? Can we say free? I think so!

And here are a few things where I totally splurged (eek!)

• Photography. Even if we got a great deal, it's still double what we budgeted. Do I regret it? Heck no! 
• Music. We originally booked a family friend as a DJ, but after a little venue confusion we had to book somebody else. At the end of the day our DJ is AH-mazing, but again, we're talking nearly double budget, again. 
• Rentals. We're not getting married at a typical catering hall. We need to rent everything from chairs to forks to lights and heaters. It adds up, and really darn fast. 
• My shoes. Don't tell my fiance though, he thinks they were on sale. 
• Transportation. This one makes me angry, I still cannot get over how much companies charge for a car to pick you up and drop you off. The biggest splurge is that we are getting a shuttle for our guests, so that nobody needs to worry about driving after a few cocktails. Worlds ugliest shuttle bus costs more than my antique car & two stretch limo rentals combined. I hate it, I want to spit on the jerks that get away with charging that kind of money.

OK, hope you all enjoyed some of my wedding breakdown. Don't let me cry in your ear too much, at the end of the day I hopefully will not go over budget. I'll also have a fabulous one-of-a-kind wedding.

So, um, back to work?!

The Wedding Diet

So. It. Has. Happened.

Dear cookies, cakes, chocolates, chips, candies and cereal,
        I'm sorry, but I need you to stop taunting me. Stop whispering my name when I'm sleeping, or when I'm tired, or when I'm hungry, or when I'm not hungry, or when I'm bored. I do not want to hurt your feelings, but I also do not want to be near you. You've given my hips a new shape and for that I hate you. Don't pretend to be sweet, we all know you are not; you are evil, ugly and cranky. We've been together a long time, and I need you to understand that this isn't easy. What I'm saying is, well, it's not you, it's me. I'm not who I used to be. I'm not some spunky 15-year-old anymore, I've changed and now I need something different. I need a waistline.
        Thank you for your years of comfort, but we need to go on a break.
                            Your old friend,
                                      Jackie
PS- please disregard all of the above on my birthday while I'm scarfing my face off. Thx.